Help! My Partner is Depressed

You’ll want to know why your partner is so negative, or so angry, and how you can help. You might blame yourself, and probably beat yourself up mentally every time you think about it. You’ll be feeling lonely and insecure as their depression takes a firmer grip on your relationship. You may not know where to go to for advice and support – and you probably think that it would be wrong to discuss your concerns with anyone in case you are being disloyal. Yet you’ll be desperate to know what to expect, and how long this could go on for. You need support and advice, tips and coping strategies.

    
I’ve been through this myself, and I recognise that as the partner, you need special support, because you are in a unique position. You bear the brunt of the fallout. Many of the things you expect (and probably rely on) within your relationship are changing, and often diminishing as a result of depression. For example, can your partner still give you the emotional support you need? Are you able to communicate effectively? Is he or she saying or doing unusual things – or being unreasonable, and possibly being unkind? Or are you worried that they just seem so unhappy, or something seems to be wrong?
Although you might feel very isolated, you are not alone. Over one in six people experience depression – and many of those have partners. They all have similar worries and concerns, as they go through this experience too.

My specially dedicated website includes various recourses, and many people have shared their experiences there.  I offer personal support to partners, and I also wrote a book which came about as a result of my own experience. It’s called  ‘Living with Depression, how to cope when your partner is depressed.’

If you think your partner is depressed, my immediate top tips are:

• Be informed. Learn what you can about depression and anxiety, as the two often go together. Then you’ll have some idea about what to expect.
• Encourage your partner to see the doctor in the first instance, in case their symptoms are caused by something else, such as another illness or infection or a deficiency of some kind.
• Be aware that your partner cannot just ‘snap out’ of their depression. They are overwhelmed and consumed by how they feel. Depression can be insidious, and he or she will have a sense that their lives and emotions are spiralling out of their control. Their unusual behaviour is likely to be a result of that, as they desperately try to get some control back.
• Know that their depression is not your fault. This is something within themselves, and there are many reasons whey a person might become depressed – but you are not the reason.
• Be gentle with yourself, and get some support. Seeking support now will ease the way through for you.

Content provided by Caroline Carr.
www.mypartnerisdepressed.com

Caroline will be holding free talks entitled 'Zippy Women' in the One Life Theatre on Friday at 2:30pm and Saturday at 1:30pm. She will also be holding a workshop entitled 'How Not to Worry' on Saturday at 11am.