Mind the Gap!

Every so often you should take time out to review your life.  Perhaps it is time to check to see if you are living with a Gap.  A Gap can exist in any area of your life; work, relationship, education, location, recreation, or maybe your personal or spiritual growth.  ‘The Gap’ is the discrepancy between where you are and where you truly want to be.  But remember, before you can identify the Gap, you need to be really clear about how you want to live your life.  You need to be able to see your life in the future just the way you want it.  

Be careful what you allow to become ‘acceptable’ in your life.

So here’s the question…are you settling for “it’s ok”?  Identifying a Gap requires being honest about where in your life you may be settling for “it’s ok”, “it’s acceptable”, or “it will do”.  The scary thing is some people can live in “acceptable” forever, and it’s not that hard.  You simply tell yourself that it is not the right time to change jobs or that at least you know the problems with this job, what if another turned out to be worse?  How about, “it pays the bills”?  

You tell yourself that you will stay in the marriage until the kids are a certain age or that you are too scared to enter the dating world again.  After all, you’ve been together so many years how would you ever start over.  Sound familiar?  Settling for “it’s ok” could mean a job, a career path, a marriage, your level of education, where you are living…we can settle for just about anything.

And, it can happen to anybody.  You get busy living life and somehow, unconsciously, you slip into allowing things to become acceptable when you didn’t want those things in the first place.  So what do you do?  Well first thing is to stop living in the Daily Unconscious because “acceptable” happens when you are not paying attention; when you are not reflecting on your life.   

There are many ways people fall into accepting less than they really want.  We have probably all come up with reasons why we can’t make a change in our life, but the fact is we can.  We meet clients in coaching/therapy all the time who think they want to change, but when it comes right down to it, life as it is, is “acceptable”.  They don’t last long in our kind of coaching/therapy because we believe that everybody can live the life they dream of.  

Take a deep breath and seriously look at what you feel is missing from your life.  Dare to dream.  We all have a choice to live beyond “it’s acceptable”.  When you settle for “acceptable” you are sacrificing your happiness, your success, joyful intimacy and the truth of living as your Authentic Self.  Sadly, some people will choose to live in “acceptable” forever.  You don’t have to.

BUILDING SOLUTIONS

If you answer yes to one, or more, of these questions it may be a sign that you are settling for “acceptable”.  Time to get honest with yourself and identify the area(s) of your life where you have fallen into “it’s ok”.  Ask yourself, “Is it really ok?  Am I ready and willing to make some changes?”  

•    Do you find yourself daydreaming about living a different life or all the cool things you could do if you weren’t [at this job, in this relationship, at this weight, living in the city, making such lousy money…]?

•    You panic sometimes because you feel trapped or stuck [in my job, marriage, educational level] and can’t think of a way out?

•    Do you trudge through your day feeling like you are carrying a heavy burden, or feeling bored or unchallenged?

•    Do you feel like you have failed in some area of your life?

•    Are you good at putting up with things or tolerating situations long after you know that they stopped working for you?
 
Content provided by Dr Toby Silverton and Dr Bev McLagan of Silverton McLagan Coaching.

ABOUT DR TOBY SILVERTON AND DR BEV MCLAGAN
“I change myself, I change the world.” Gloria Anzaldua
Dr Toby Silverton and Dr Bev McLagan run Silverton McLagan Coaching.  They hold PhDs in Counselling Psychology.  They have more than 25 years clinical experience as counselling psychologists, psychotherapists, personal coaches and educators. They moved to the UK from Vancouver in 2009 and coach clients worldwide in person, by phone and online.  

Dr Toby and Dr Bev offer their own unique blend of psychotherapy and coaching, which they call ‘Psychodynamic Coaching’ and which results in ‘change that lasts a lifetime’.  They specialise in working with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) - a group that includes creative artists and other professionals, both women and men, who are usually successful and over-stretched perfectionists - helping them to achieve a ‘Living Balance’.

For more information visit www.livethesolution.com